The Grass is Greener When You Water It

You’re probably familiar with the phrase: “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”  

It essentially says that you are never satisfied with what you have, and whatever you don’t have always looks more desirable. 

***

Your mom always nags you about your dumpy shirts while Samantha’s mom couldn’t care less what she wears. 

Your vacation doesn’t seem nearly as fun as Rob’s scuba diving adventures in the bright blue waters Nha Trang, Vietnam. 

Your new hair-do practically emptied your bank account, while Steve's nazzy cut cost him only $8.

***

The problem with the Grass is Greener syndrome is that you care so much about the grass on your neighbor's lawn that you forget to tend to your own. You inspect for hours, spotting the problems in your grass, the weeds, the bugs. 

Meanwhile you become stressed, releasing excessive amounts of the hormone cortisol in your body. The overload of cortisol makes you dizzy, nauseous, and tense. By the time you’ve finally finished steaming off you notice that your lawn is just a brown crumpled mess of dead leaves.

Part of the issue is that we tend to see one person’s good fortune as harmful to another person’s potential. 'One person’s fruitful harvest soaks up all of the sunlight from your growing crops.' 

However, that’s mostly pish posh. 

For example, JK Rowling’s widespread success with the Harry Potter series didn’t infringe upon the success of Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, or A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. While it was difficult to write about wizards and avoiding the Harry Potter comparisons, there were a plethora of other genres that authors earned their riches and fame by. If anything, the popularity of the Harry Potter series just meant more enthusiastic readers, aka more potential customers, were crowding the libraries.

There is plenty of sunlight for everyone. Sometimes it just takes a creative solution, like cutting down a leafy tree, to receive it. 

Another issue is that we frequently make assumptions about situations that we don’t actually know anything about. You can’t evaluate a gardener’s life based on how externally appealing their lawn is. Maybe Steven spends all of his time nurturing plants because he can’t bear to be inside the house where his wife is constantly barking demands. Maybe Alicia’s lawn is just dirt because she wants a blank slate to experiment with a new species of Pampas grass.

*

For the past few days I’ve been doing a work exchange through Workaway, living with a couple and helping them with their daily tasks. The husband, Jud, is a busy bee. He’s either on the phone answering calls from one of his 3 businesses or fixing up a mechanical device. Dao grounds the household. She looks at the organization from a bird's eye view and reminds Jud to refuel when he’s running on too little gas. 

Jud could say Dao is too nonchalant. 

Dao could say Jud is too occupied.

Instead, they live life by this saying: 

"The grass is greener when you water it"

They go out of their way to appreciate one another. As a result, their soil is full of nutrients. 

Jud compliments his wife’s calming qualities and thanks her in between one call and the next. Dao brings Jud tea and she’ll spiritually pass her healing to him - bringing her palms together to heart’s center and then lightly touching Jud’s forehead. 

They focus on their own lives, recognize the value each other adds, and push each other to grow. Together they flourish.

Even though the example of Jud and Dao only speaks towards a relationship, the revised idiom applies to all parts of life. Everlasting happiness takes work. 

It takes having gratitude, being present, taking responsibility, and (of course) having fun. That way you pluck the weeds before they proliferate and you have enough water supply to keep your plants nutrient-dense.

So here’s my challenge for you -- Next time you sense a weed of envy sprouting, ask yourself these questions

What do you envy?

Does it come from a deeper desire? What does this say about you?

Where in your life do you have it real good? What may you be overlooking?

What is one thing you can do to give you more of your deep desire?