Love Is About Giving, Not Getting
Love is not about what I am going to get, but what I am going to give. People make a mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love, the real answer is, you love those to whom you give.
Abraham Twerski.
I know what you’re thinking because I’ve had the same questions too: Won’t someone take advantage of you if you love without getting? Where do you draw the line? Aren’t relationships reciprocal?
When I “gave love” to friends and family, there were several times that I expected love back. This made for incredibly strangled tit and tat relationships. If I bake you a pie, the very least you could do is give me a back rub!
However, I confused love with kindness. Kindness is an act that can be reciprocal. It’s normal to expect a certain level of kindness from someone that you constantly give your love to. If the person or object you give your love to always makes you feel like shit then the relationship is emotionally toxic.
Love ≠ Kindness. Love is a greater demonstration of sacrifice. It’s not fair. It’s not reciprocal. It’s not easy. But, that’s what makes it so powerful.
The problem I find with love these days is that it's tied to so much expectation. Most of us come into Valentine’s Day with a vision of how the day’s going to spin out. For couples: flower, rose, and chocolate galore. For singles: self-love, awkwardness, and empty ice cream tubs. While it’s lovely to celebrate romantic relationships, the holiday’s meaning is much greater and can be celebrated by anyone. Because love is inside of you. There’s an unlimited supply of it, ready to burst out! So let those visions go -- the fluffy ones and the dreary ones.
Instead, make it a goal today to give as much love as possible to whoever and whatever you please. Without expectation, you won’t get hurt! Slip a card of admiration under someone’s door and make a mad dash before they can thank you. Give your parents a call of gratitude for the amount of effort they put into loving you. Smile at strangers while you’re on the way out of the grocery store.
Today can be a reminder for both you and me: love more unconditionally